The Betrayal.
It's been 4 years and our family has done a lot of growing, learning, and loving.
It was "easy" for Nick and I to cut ties with his grandparents. Because how could anyone want to associate with people to purposely hurt children?? Unfortunately, the rest of Nick's family had to find their own paths with how and why to associate with the grandparents.
From a personal/selfish standpoint, we were furious! Associating with Isaac's tormentor basically told Isaac that what happened either wasn't believed or didn't matter, and the Mama Bear in me was not ok with it.
Then my counselor helped me break it down. Trauma has a ripple affect, and the people closest to the start of it, the inner circle, will be most affected. As the circles grow and widen, (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) those people are less affected. They are unable to fathom the pain and the truth, and because of their distance, they don't have to. They can choose to look past it. (Lucky bastards.)
Here's how that helped me: All I have control over is how I respond to Isaac. He will always know that his parents BELIEVE him. He will always know that we will enforce whatever boundaries he wants/needs to feel safe. That is the most important.
Do I feel slightly betrayed when other family members continue contact? 100%. But that's not my responsibility. I'd much rather have uncomfortable relationships while keeping my family safe.
Boundaries Boundaries Boundaries. These are VITAL for moving forward from betrayal. Setting clear boundaries and not wavering.
Mommas. We can do hard things. When we put our babies first, everything comes together.
With Love From,
Elise
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