I did a thing today.
Something I've only ever imagined in my head or dreamt about at night.
Words that I have played in my ahead on repeat for actual YEARS.
Words that I never knew I would have the courage to say.
You see, after a terrible trauma (like child sexual abuse, for example) it's like a RIPPLE of traumas.
You have the primary trauma, but the trauma that seems to be forgotten or at least unspoken is the betrayal of people whom you loved and trusted - as they side with the perp. Or worse, play the fence.
I ran into "V" today. I have spent years ignoring her while these words have bubbled all the way up to my throat. Today they came spilling out.
"(NAME) graduated from counseling not that long ago. Just so you know. He is doing so much better."
Instead of caring about her great-grandson's health and safety and growth, her response to me was, "How can you be so sick?"
Mama Bear said NOPE!
"You should ask yourself that question, living with that monster."
5 Years of Anger and Betrayal and Hatred came spewing out with my last sentence.
But I did it. I'm done.
Someday I will find forgiveness. Today was not that day.
With Love From,
Elise
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